a whole new season of avogadro!

avogadro's number season 2.0 is coming!

yes, just like all your favorite tv shows, avogadro's blog has been on hiatus. why? because that's just the way the world rolls these days. however, here are some teasers to get you excited for the upcoming season...

-the resolution to the season 1 finale cliffhanger: the corner
-the relocation project
-helo
-demon cat
-a step towards a more social avogadro
-further updates on how to manipulate caretakers
-the revelation of the final cylon

here's the tagline-in-the-works: season 2, twice as good as 1, half the polyunsaturated fat.
the tv promo would go like this: black screen slowly fades to firey orange, then BAM! AVOGADRO'S NUMBER in metallic lettering.
then under it WHISH! SEASON WHISH! 2

so come back. i promise to give everyone the excitement and drama and random hidden links they crave.

avogadro's number : season 2.0
this spring

the corner - revealed!

(**link fixed)

ok. here it is. weeks of investigation. stake-outs. questionings.


i have figured out the mystery of the corner: the house is being infiltrated by the gray assassins.


they are using the corner as an entry point into the house coming up through the wall, under the floor boards, into the kitchen through the dishwasher, through the corner cabinet into the sink cabinet, then down into the wall through the plumbing wall. they have yet gained entry into our level; i have posted hazel and tweak as lookout sentries.

here is a layout of the headquarters:


















notice the corner's location to the main entry door. it is there that the assassins scale the wall through a strategically placed shaft.

across from the corner is the forbidden zone. the caretaker never lets me in there, even when the doors are open. i worry that the assassins are using the forbidden zone as a base camp, but i have yet to gather any evidence to support this idea. what lays beyond the doors is still a mystery to me.
from the bed i have a clear view of the corner, so late night observations can be conducted from the corner of the bed.

this is a message to all gray assassins: make your way into my territory, please, i dare you. you have no idea what pain and misery** lies before you!

the corner

hi

i know you've all been wondering where i've been. i'll bet you've all been on the edge of your seats thinking "dammit avogadro, i need more blog!!"
turst me, my time is being spent well.

there's this corner. there's... something there. i just can't figure it out. yet.

i've been investigating for weeks now.
reviewing philip marlowe novels.
retrieved caretaker's penlight.

progress slow, but i feel i'm making headway somewhere.

there will be more to come about this.

i promise.

chicken hat

you asked for it.


the most humiliating thing in my life... the chicken hat.

if you're not afraid, the terrorists win

be afraid.
be scared.
be terrified.

if you don't, they win.


the planet is set to self-destruct in T minus 5... 4... 3...

eat-noch

a long time ago when i was forcibly removed from my old home, stuffed in a small cage and driven out to this state with backwards laws and confusing policies i met an... interesting cat named eatnoch. in the brief time i knew her, i noticed eatnoch was different. not quite all there. she had some problems navigating certain terrains such as clothes on the floor, or the bed, or sometimes the litterbox. she also seemed a bit slow in her reflexes and reactions, and also had a habbit of hitting her head on things. the caretaker joked around that she was "retarded", but i knew better. kitties can sense these things. it turns out poor eatnoch is actually mostly blind, which is why she always runs into things and misses her targets. and the difficulty on "rough" terrain, she most likely has arthritis. i guess we've all learned a valuable lesson when it comes to prejudging others: they may not be retarded, they're probably partially blind and arthritic.

Lt. Commander Avogadro!

The door hisses open in front of you as you enter the transporter room. You climb the stairs towards the transporter platform taking your place between two comrades. As you stand and wait for the order to energize you try not to think about your body being dematerialized into trillions of lines of code and transmitted through space. Once the order is called you are immediately aware of the molecular imaging scanner above you differentiate every molecule throughout your body turning it into a matter stream. When the transporter begins to energize, the core of your body feels like a leg fallen asleep. As your entire body is converted into a matter stream, the sleep-feeling moves outward into your limbs and feet. A bright, indiscernible light surrounds you and all sound rushes to complete silence. You pray to god the Heisenberg compensators remember where each subatomic particle belongs right before your entire body is transferred into the pattern buffer. All thoughts and memories become nonlinear and incoherent, time is incomprehensible while your dematerialized body transports from the buffer into a data stream to your destination. You feel the pull of gravity and the sleep-feeling as your body starts to rematerialize. The pressure difference on the planet’s surface acts on the matter stream forming, displacing air, dust, and moisture particles in the form of your body. As the sequence completes, you feel the light film of dust and moisture on your skin and your uniform like perspiration from the area your body now inhabits. The slight dizzying effect of your inner ears aligning themselves passes as your vision focuses and you gain your footing on the new terrain. You, like everyone else, take the 6.381 seconds that passed since you were standing on the transporter platform for granted; more important matters are at hand. Lt. Commander Avogadro needs to find the kitty treats the scanners picked up on Ceti Alpha V.

galactica, this is avogadro!

i can't wait!

until then...

baby, it's cold outside

it's getting colder out. my winter coat still hasn't grown in yet. this makes for one cold kitty.

i hate alliteration...

at night the caretaker thinks it's funny to turn the window fans on when the loud one is over. he leaves them on all night. avogadro gets cold. for all those not in the feline family, us cats drop in body temperature as we sleep. this is why cats snuggle up. especially at night when caretaker leaves the fans on. it's not because we want to be 'cute' or 'loving', but because we're cold and you're warm. nothing more.

avogadro is not cute; avogadro is ferocious.
keep that straight.
and turn off the goddamn fans. (wow, pun!)

start ----> finish

i like this image. it's true. it's definitive. it's what cats are all about.
we're a tapestry of mysteries. cats are the most complex creature on the planet. nothing captures the essence of a cat more than this image i found. granted, it plays the whole cat-and-mouse thing up, but i like to focus on the silhouette of the cat itself.
looking at it you can just feel the complexity of the beast. it's a mirror; a scale. every cat that sees a window into their soul.
if you open up a cat, this is what you will see: mazes. miles and miles of mazes.
literally, mazes. that's our insides.

avogadro the inventor

today i wondered: why do my diet flavors have to be restricted to what caretaker species eats? cats have a wide variety of food out there in nature, not just processed meat.
below i am listing some ideas for new food/treat flavors:

-duck
-eagle
-mouse
-rubberband
-bugs
-squirrel

other flavors based off caretaker species diet:

-roast beef
-pizza
-hamburger
-peanut butter
-pickles

i'm just throwing it out there. it's time for a change. who's with me??

avogadro is tired today. tonight, she sleeps.

why haven't you fed me?

interesting change of events today. the caretaker is actually home and not out getting food for me like he usually does all day. at first i was confused, then annoyed by his laziness. but supposedly, according to his incessant whining, he's dying from something called 'cold'. i don't know what he's talking about. it feels just fine in here to me. put on a sweater and go find my food, bitch.

i would like to pose a question to all caretakers out there who have 'cold': what is with all the boxes of treats you won't share with your cats? my caretaker has been eating these little blue treats all day knowing full well that avogadro loves her treats but never offers me any. and the smelly jar of goo. what the fuck is that? repulsive. i can't go anywhere near caretaker's lap because he puts that stuff under his nose all the time. i just don't get it.

anyway, nap today was good. about 4 hours. would've been longer had caretaker not been home shuffling about. i finished re-reading a book last night (under the bed where caretaker can't see me). it always amazes me how you always find new things when you read something again a few years later. it makes me wonder how you would handle situations you dealt with years ago if you had to do it again. i think your brain gets into a rutine and only notices and bases thought processes on certain things at the time.

i don't know what the hell i'm talking about. time to go chase the invisible thing on the carpet!

*beep!*

*beep-bop-boop! beep-bop-boop!* i'm a robot cat!
*wrrrr!*
*wrrrr!*

robot cat need more food!
please recharge me! robot cat friendly like energy power!

robot cat need like make play with ball!

avogadro flesh cat now defunct, iAvogadro now is cat! *me-ow!*
engaging cuddle mode:: now cuddle mode now active

*wrrr!*
robot cat am now ready make sleep! pet robot cat! robot cat make silent servo moving! *wrrrrrr!*


_robot cat power down

i has cheezburger already, thank you.

so i was sitting on the couch today grooming my stomach when i randomly had to spaz out. cats do that. anyway, when i was done i thought i'd check my e-mail to see if i had any new messages. someone sent me a link: i can has cheezburger? i must say: offensive. seriously. as a feline, i find the random, non sequitur, ILLITERATE interpretations of our daily activities by our caretakers totally uncalled for. i mean, just becase humans have the most developed neocortex doesn't mean they're the only species that is well articulated. the assumption that our attempt to use the caretaker species (cartakis servisus) primitive language to articulate our posessiveness of food or goofing around or even our expectation for you to clean our messes would come out all butchered is offensive to the core of every feline out there.
admittedly, some are cute and even funny (and some are confusing at first), but that cannot excuse the blatant lack of respect. we used to be worshiped as gods for christ's sake.

anyway, after seeing that trash i had to take a nap. then i found yarnball under a stack of papers and switched to attack mode. then caretaker came home and filled up food dish and i dashed into the eat room for dinner! oh it was great! i'm getting sidetracked...

to reiterate: i can has cheezburger bad, yarnball good. that is all. luckily i know there are people like SHAWN GAINES or SHAWN GAINES who appreciate felines for what they are and don't treat them like pieces of degraded meat. mad props!

me no like book

http://www.ncac.org/literature/20060711~OH-Lewis_Center~Another_Reading_List_Restricted.cfm

aparantly, according to some political officials and right-wing nut-jobs, high school students shouldn't be exposed to stories of autistic kids embarking on an adventure to discover the murderer of a pet dog. i can see why. one day it's reading literature with irony and satire forcing kids to think for themselves, the next they're on dope voting for democrats. let's keep them safe. let's keep them healthy. let's keep them republican.


if you couldn't tell, avogadro is a left-wing commie fag who hates god, freedom, u.s. soldiers, the missionary position, non-aborted babies, the death sentence, strip malls, all religion except islam, taxes, fox news, and 9-11 day.

lazy sunday

i woke up early this morning. earlier than the caretaker, at least. that bum didn't get up till noon. you know what that means. yeah, no food till noon. how dare he!
anyway, it's just been one of those days. i slept around on the couch all day. hazel (the other caretaker's cat) was spazzing out in the empty middle room (they named it a 'dining room', but my cat food is in the bathroom), but i just let her be. i'm fairly certain she's medicated. this afternoon i got up for a while and was feeling rambunctious. i decided to continue my efforts in shredding the arm of the sofa, but that material is so strong! you should assume, dear reader, that being a vicious animal my claws are razor sharp, albeit invisible, and they would normally slice through any given intem you leave laying around. but the sofa arm... well, let's just say i'm still working on it.
at least it's not as hot as it was yesterday. that was the worst. i had to refrain from any excessive activities so i wouldn't overheat. as relaxing as that sounds, it does have its own amount of stress to it.
anyway, aside from my random violent outburst, i must say that this day has been quite uneventful. but then, an uneventful day in the life of avogadro is more interesting than the most eventful day of a caretakerperson.

oh, i puked on the carpet again. woopsies.

you know you love it.

avogadro's addiction

so last night i was reading finnegans wake (by james joyce for all you tom clancy fans out there) and the caretaker got home. since i usually read under the bed where he can't see me, normally i would just continue on after he gets all of his antics out of his system, but last night he pulled a doozer on me; something i can never resist. the largest weakness i have, one thing that takes precedence over all other interests, desires, or needs: earwax. yes, cerumen, that waxy, honey-brown substance the caretaker pulls from his sad excuse for ears and lets me indulge in its sweet, sweet nectar.
i'll be the first to admit that it's gross. it really is. but something about that stuff just makes me fiend like a crack addict. i can always tell it's time to take another 'hit' when the caretaker wiggles that small finger of his in his ear canal and presents it to me. it's like something comes over me and i turn into a different being, one driven by its carnal instincts to... consume earwax? i don't know, but whatever it is i transform into another kitty. one that lacks self discipline and self respect. one time in particular, the caretaker thought it would be fun to set up a base test, tormenting me with the treat bag shaking (he knows i cannot resist that). when the time finally came to indulge in a delicious chicken and turkey flavored morsal, one of his small fingers shows up presenting that irresistable combination of squalene, lanosterol, and cholesterol. sadly, i went for the finger first, but not before throwing out all my self-respect. luckily i had a pile of treats to drown my sorrows in.

they say the first step in healing is to first admit the fact you have an addiction. i like to think of this as the beginning of my healing process. in time, i'll be able to ignore the taunts of my caretaker beckoning me with the by product of his HMG-CoA reductase pathway. i'll bet you didn't know i such an established lexicon, did you?

instant kitty heaven

https://www.shedender.com/Default.asp?bhcp=1
a purrrrfect gift for any cat! (sorry, i couldn't resist)

the caretaker recently brought this home. i must admit i have a slight shedding problem. i've used all the different brushes and combs out there, and let me tell you, this comb beats them all! ten minutes of sheer kitty heaven under this thing yielded a massive wad of pesky undercoat hair. normal brushes remove hair from the surface, but this thing gets down deep and weeds out all the loose hair! i've had a considerably less amount of hairballs since caretaker got this. i knew there was a reason i keep him around...
be smart: get your caretaker to bring one home. the sheer amount of hair i no longer ingest clears room in my stomach for more important things, such as the plant in the living room, random dust bunnies, paper, rubber bands, and the occasional insect.

i don't normally whore myself out to products like that, but i just had to rave about it. should i take it another step forward and completely throw my self dignity out the window and end it with something corny like "4 paws out of 5!!" ?

yes, i think i should.

ShedEnder: 4 swaddled babies out of 5!!
„„„„„

(ps - the swaddled babies don't show up unless you use internet explorer.)

6.022 x 1023

*meow*
a brief introduction...
i'm your typical american short hair. black and white.
my name comes from a famous italian physicist and chemist.
i have a caretaker that regularly feeds and pets me, though not nearly as frequently as i would like.
my hobbies include philanthropy and reading post-modern fiction and contemporary literature, but i'm mostly stuck with the collection of mystery and science fiction my caretaker has.
my one guilty pleasure is batting around the yarn ball. stereotypical, i know, but you can't throw out years of natural instinct.

anyway, thanks for checking in. there'll be actual content soon.

back to napping...