so last night i was reading finnegans wake (by james joyce for all you tom clancy fans out there) and the caretaker got home. since i usually read under the bed where he can't see me, normally i would just continue on after he gets all of his antics out of his system, but last night he pulled a doozer on me; something i can never resist. the largest weakness i have, one thing that takes precedence over all other interests, desires, or needs: earwax. yes, cerumen, that waxy, honey-brown substance the caretaker pulls from his sad excuse for ears and lets me indulge in its sweet, sweet nectar.
i'll be the first to admit that it's gross. it really is. but something about that stuff just makes me fiend like a crack addict. i can always tell it's time to take another 'hit' when the caretaker wiggles that small finger of his in his ear canal and presents it to me. it's like something comes over me and i turn into a different being, one driven by its carnal instincts to... consume earwax? i don't know, but whatever it is i transform into another kitty. one that lacks self discipline and self respect. one time in particular, the caretaker thought it would be fun to set up a base test, tormenting me with the treat bag shaking (he knows i cannot resist that). when the time finally came to indulge in a delicious chicken and turkey flavored morsal, one of his small fingers shows up presenting that irresistable combination of squalene, lanosterol, and cholesterol. sadly, i went for the finger first, but not before throwing out all my self-respect. luckily i had a pile of treats to drown my sorrows in.
they say the first step in healing is to first admit the fact you have an addiction. i like to think of this as the beginning of my healing process. in time, i'll be able to ignore the taunts of my caretaker beckoning me with the by product of his HMG-CoA reductase pathway. i'll bet you didn't know i such an established lexicon, did you?
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