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i like this image. it's true. it's definitive. it's what cats are all about.
we're a tapestry of mysteries. cats are the most complex creature on the planet. nothing captures the essence of a cat more than this image i found. granted, it plays the whole cat-and-mouse thing up, but i like to focus on the silhouette of the cat itself.
looking at it you can just feel the complexity of the beast. it's a mirror; a scale. every cat that sees a window into their soul.
if you open up a cat, this is what you will see: mazes. miles and miles of mazes.
literally, mazes. that's our insides.
today i wondered: why do my diet flavors have to be restricted to what caretaker species eats? cats have a wide variety of food out there in nature, not just processed meat.
below i am listing some ideas for new food/treat flavors:
-duck
-eagle
-mouse
-rubberband
-bugs
-squirrel
other flavors based off caretaker species diet:
-roast beef
-pizza
-hamburger
-peanut butter
-pickles
interesting change of events today. the caretaker is actually home and not out getting food for me like he usually does all day. at first i was confused, then annoyed by his laziness. but supposedly, according to his incessant whining, he's dying from something called 'cold'. i don't know what he's talking about. it feels just fine in here to me. put on a sweater and go find my food, bitch.
i would like to pose a question to all caretakers out there who have 'cold': what is with all the boxes of treats you won't share with your cats? my caretaker has been eating these little blue treats all day knowing full well that avogadro loves her treats but never offers me any. and the smelly jar of goo. what the fuck is that? repulsive. i can't go anywhere near caretaker's lap because he puts that stuff under his nose all the time. i just don't get it.
anyway, nap today was good. about 4 hours. would've been longer had caretaker not been home shuffling about. i finished re-reading a book last night (under the bed where caretaker can't see me). it always amazes me how you always find new things when you read something again a few years later. it makes me wonder how you would handle situations you dealt with years ago if you had to do it again. i think your brain gets into a rutine and only notices and bases thought processes on certain things at the time.
i don't know what the hell i'm talking about. time to go chase the invisible thing on the carpet!
*beep-bop-boop! beep-bop-boop!* i'm a robot cat!
*wrrrr!*
*wrrrr!*
robot cat need more food!
please recharge me! robot cat friendly like energy power!
robot cat need like make play with ball!
avogadro flesh cat now defunct, iAvogadro now is cat! *me-ow!*
engaging cuddle mode:: now cuddle mode now active
*wrrr!*
robot cat am now ready make sleep! pet robot cat! robot cat make silent servo moving! *wrrrrrr!*
_robot cat power down
so i was sitting on the couch today grooming my stomach when i randomly had to spaz out. cats do that. anyway, when i was done i thought i'd check my e-mail to see if i had any new messages. someone sent me a link: i can has cheezburger? i must say: offensive. seriously. as a feline, i find the random, non sequitur, ILLITERATE interpretations of our daily activities by our caretakers totally uncalled for. i mean, just becase humans have the most developed neocortex doesn't mean they're the only species that is well articulated. the assumption that our attempt to use the caretaker species (cartakis servisus) primitive language to articulate our posessiveness of food or goofing around or even our expectation for you to clean our messes would come out all butchered is offensive to the core of every feline out there.
admittedly, some are cute and even funny (and some are confusing at first), but that cannot excuse the blatant lack of respect. we used to be worshiped as gods for christ's sake.
anyway, after seeing that trash i had to take a nap. then i found yarnball under a stack of papers and switched to attack mode. then caretaker came home and filled up food dish and i dashed into the eat room for dinner! oh it was great! i'm getting sidetracked...
to reiterate: i can has cheezburger bad, yarnball good. that is all. luckily i know there are people like SHAWN GAINES or SHAWN GAINES who appreciate felines for what they are and don't treat them like pieces of degraded meat. mad props!
http://www.ncac.org/literature/20060711~OH-Lewis_Center~Another_Reading_List_Restricted.cfmaparantly, according to some political officials and right-wing nut-jobs, high school students shouldn't be exposed to stories of autistic kids embarking on an adventure to discover the murderer of a pet dog. i can see why. one day it's reading literature with irony and satire forcing kids to think for themselves, the next they're on dope voting for democrats. let's keep them safe. let's keep them healthy. let's keep them republican.if you couldn't tell, avogadro is a left-wing commie fag who hates god, freedom, u.s. soldiers, the missionary position, non-aborted babies, the death sentence, strip malls, all religion except islam, taxes, fox news, and 9-11 day.
i woke up early this morning. earlier than the caretaker, at least. that bum didn't get up till noon. you know what that means. yeah, no food till noon. how dare he!
anyway, it's just been one of those days. i slept around on the couch all day. hazel (the other caretaker's cat) was spazzing out in the empty middle room (they named it a 'dining room', but my cat food is in the bathroom), but i just let her be. i'm fairly certain she's medicated. this afternoon i got up for a while and was feeling rambunctious. i decided to continue my efforts in shredding the arm of the sofa, but that material is so strong! you should assume, dear reader, that being a vicious animal my claws are razor sharp, albeit invisible, and they would normally slice through any given intem you leave laying around. but the sofa arm... well, let's just say i'm still working on it.
at least it's not as hot as it was yesterday. that was the worst. i had to refrain from any excessive activities so i wouldn't overheat. as relaxing as that sounds, it does have its own amount of stress to it.
anyway, aside from my random violent outburst, i must say that this day has been quite uneventful. but then, an uneventful day in the life of avogadro is more interesting than the most eventful day of a caretakerperson.
oh, i puked on the carpet again. woopsies.
you know you love it.
so last night i was reading finnegans wake (by james joyce for all you tom clancy fans out there) and the caretaker got home. since i usually read under the bed where he can't see me, normally i would just continue on after he gets all of his antics out of his system, but last night he pulled a doozer on me; something i can never resist. the largest weakness i have, one thing that takes precedence over all other interests, desires, or needs: earwax. yes, cerumen, that waxy, honey-brown substance the caretaker pulls from his sad excuse for ears and lets me indulge in its sweet, sweet nectar.
i'll be the first to admit that it's gross. it really is. but something about that stuff just makes me fiend like a crack addict. i can always tell it's time to take another 'hit' when the caretaker wiggles that small finger of his in his ear canal and presents it to me. it's like something comes over me and i turn into a different being, one driven by its carnal instincts to... consume earwax? i don't know, but whatever it is i transform into another kitty. one that lacks self discipline and self respect. one time in particular, the caretaker thought it would be fun to set up a base test, tormenting me with the treat bag shaking (he knows i cannot resist that). when the time finally came to indulge in a delicious chicken and turkey flavored morsal, one of his small fingers shows up presenting that irresistable combination of squalene, lanosterol, and cholesterol. sadly, i went for the finger first, but not before throwing out all my self-respect. luckily i had a pile of treats to drown my sorrows in.
they say the first step in healing is to first admit the fact you have an addiction. i like to think of this as the beginning of my healing process. in time, i'll be able to ignore the taunts of my caretaker beckoning me with the by product of his HMG-CoA reductase pathway. i'll bet you didn't know i such an established lexicon, did you?
