chicken hat

you asked for it.


the most humiliating thing in my life... the chicken hat.

if you're not afraid, the terrorists win

be afraid.
be scared.
be terrified.

if you don't, they win.


the planet is set to self-destruct in T minus 5... 4... 3...

eat-noch

a long time ago when i was forcibly removed from my old home, stuffed in a small cage and driven out to this state with backwards laws and confusing policies i met an... interesting cat named eatnoch. in the brief time i knew her, i noticed eatnoch was different. not quite all there. she had some problems navigating certain terrains such as clothes on the floor, or the bed, or sometimes the litterbox. she also seemed a bit slow in her reflexes and reactions, and also had a habbit of hitting her head on things. the caretaker joked around that she was "retarded", but i knew better. kitties can sense these things. it turns out poor eatnoch is actually mostly blind, which is why she always runs into things and misses her targets. and the difficulty on "rough" terrain, she most likely has arthritis. i guess we've all learned a valuable lesson when it comes to prejudging others: they may not be retarded, they're probably partially blind and arthritic.

Lt. Commander Avogadro!

The door hisses open in front of you as you enter the transporter room. You climb the stairs towards the transporter platform taking your place between two comrades. As you stand and wait for the order to energize you try not to think about your body being dematerialized into trillions of lines of code and transmitted through space. Once the order is called you are immediately aware of the molecular imaging scanner above you differentiate every molecule throughout your body turning it into a matter stream. When the transporter begins to energize, the core of your body feels like a leg fallen asleep. As your entire body is converted into a matter stream, the sleep-feeling moves outward into your limbs and feet. A bright, indiscernible light surrounds you and all sound rushes to complete silence. You pray to god the Heisenberg compensators remember where each subatomic particle belongs right before your entire body is transferred into the pattern buffer. All thoughts and memories become nonlinear and incoherent, time is incomprehensible while your dematerialized body transports from the buffer into a data stream to your destination. You feel the pull of gravity and the sleep-feeling as your body starts to rematerialize. The pressure difference on the planet’s surface acts on the matter stream forming, displacing air, dust, and moisture particles in the form of your body. As the sequence completes, you feel the light film of dust and moisture on your skin and your uniform like perspiration from the area your body now inhabits. The slight dizzying effect of your inner ears aligning themselves passes as your vision focuses and you gain your footing on the new terrain. You, like everyone else, take the 6.381 seconds that passed since you were standing on the transporter platform for granted; more important matters are at hand. Lt. Commander Avogadro needs to find the kitty treats the scanners picked up on Ceti Alpha V.

galactica, this is avogadro!

i can't wait!

until then...

baby, it's cold outside

it's getting colder out. my winter coat still hasn't grown in yet. this makes for one cold kitty.

i hate alliteration...

at night the caretaker thinks it's funny to turn the window fans on when the loud one is over. he leaves them on all night. avogadro gets cold. for all those not in the feline family, us cats drop in body temperature as we sleep. this is why cats snuggle up. especially at night when caretaker leaves the fans on. it's not because we want to be 'cute' or 'loving', but because we're cold and you're warm. nothing more.

avogadro is not cute; avogadro is ferocious.
keep that straight.
and turn off the goddamn fans. (wow, pun!)